My
respected brothers, sisters, kings and queens - there AIN'T
NO SPOILERS here. Forever.
Welcome
to how we do our “ratings” – a mad way to compare movies in a mad world.
Like everything
else in the west we break our ratings scheme down to basic pieces and then put
them all together, while being aware that this still is a drastically
inadequate way to rate a movie. So we’ll do it both ways and use the eastern, holistic
thinking. Not just to use those f&$&*$g words - to actually MEAN it, if
you know what I mean.
In
fact I would invite you all to consider the following: just like there’s fifty ways to leave your lover, there’s
ninety nine ways to skin a cat. And there’s only ONE way to decide. And that is
YOU. YOU will, ultimately, decide how you feel about a movie. YOU will, dare I
say, overrule the experts, the fans, the fanatics and the diehards and make
your rating your own. Therefore, respect to you, sir, madam, boy, girl.
Respect!
Having
rambled on its time now for me to skin that cat ninety nine ways.
Firstly...we
all agree (yes, that includes you and me) on a 10-point rating scale. You’ve
got to “KISS” sometimes, you know? And for each factor I’m going to address
below we can assign a rating on a 10-point scale. We then use the weights to
come up with the “overall rating” for the movie on a 10-point scale. Got it?
Second, our weight factors. Our rating considers
these factors which I think are key elements to a movie...
· The
chutzpah of the movie - did it grab you by the
throat and create a big lump? Did it exhibit “audacity or impudence”? as the
definition of chutzpah goes - in essence the overall character and
authenticity. Did it make you think of it all night and you had to go pee at
least three times? Did it make you smile hither and thither, or snatch that
fresh box of Kleenex? In short did it evoke emotions in you without you knowing
your emotional mind was the queen of your castle during the movie? Did it suck
you in where your reality became it’s reality (and not vice versa)? In my book
(and in several others mind you) this is the most important factor to judge if
a movie hit the mark and became a hit in your heart. Hence this factor gets a weight
of 20%.
· Direction - definitely my favorite factor. The director is
the creator of the chutzpah, the soul, the heart and the “kwon”. Yes, that’s a
Jerry Maguire reference. Put the whole thing together for me, Steven! Direction
gets a weight of 15%.
· Screenplay - this is so confounded with direction, it’s so
bloody hard! But you know what, the writers deserve a lot more to get the
script just right and give the backdrop for directors, to give them the mood of
each scene and bring it to life in the directors’ mind. So that the director
then knows exactly what she needs to do. If it were not for writers playing
this part its like taking the foundations off our house of cards. The whole
thing falls apart. So, the foundation stones get 12%.
· Cinematography – this is 10%
for me. The reason its lower than direction and screenplay is because this is
right next to the foundational pieces of the house. While chutzpah, direction
and screenplay lay the foundation, cinematography, photography and the creation
of the visual angles, lighting, movement and setting the pace are all the
drywalls and the walls that set the frames of the movie edifice.
· Acting - that sickness, that swallow, that improv,
in-the-moment spontaneity makes acting almost as important as direction but not
quite. Because the director can make an actor suck or touch greatness. I’m
going with 10% for acting. The combination of
direction and acting can actually add up to more than 18%, and we know it! And
it might feel we’re underplaying acting here but we’re not. After checking out
a few thousand movies in different languages like me (or being an actor or a
movie industry guy or gal) I already see your nodding head. Plus now we’ve laid
the floorboards to walk on in our little home J.
· Editing - In general editing makes the final calls with
the director. The editor pieces things together, sticks the vinyl together, and
most importantly decides with the director which pieces to throw away. Haven’t
we yearned for “uncut” versions of so many scenes? Haven’t we wondered what’s
coming next? The editor makes the cuts and makes us wonder what’s coming next.
If she’s not done that to you, she hasn’t edited, she’s just mixed pieces of
paper. The origami is simply not there! For this reason I give editing at least
10%. And this is the first floor of our home.
· Production design - an important part of movie-making
because this gal creates the physical world that’s the imagination of direction
and script writing, doesn’t she? If that is not as real as what imagination
suggests in the script and what the direction desires then all the best
acting’s not going to matter. These are the rooms, the décor
in each room, the floors and the environs of our home we’re building with the
foundation that’s screenplay. The sets, expressing the intent of the script,
the (un)reality of things and the behavior and interaction of humans or animals
with their environs. This is what brings
the screen to life in visual and aural form. Makes sense? So...in my book
this is 8%. Now we’ve built our second floor.
· Sound and Music – 5% for
sound and 5% for music. Sound and music are both
choices that do two main things - decide how to marry with cinematography
without a divorce, and set the mood for every moment and scene. Sound and
soundtrack (music) are the first inhabitants to enter our home, so they need to
treat the home well. And the home needs to welcome them! For this marriage to
work it takes two to kiss.
· Genre Differentiators - this is 5%. These are the special traits that are unique to
the genre the movie falls under. If it’s a suspense thriller, we WANT it to be
a suspense thriller, don’t we? We don’t want to be cheated out of what we
expect and a wimp of a thriller or we know everything that’s going to happen in
five minutes and we’re going “enough already, move it!” And in some cases
expectation sets the tone for the entire home (the structure we’ve been
building with this rating-scale J).
So...in a weird turn of events the genre differentiator and viewer expectations
can make or break how a movie is perceived and reviewed. This is why the genre
differentiator is our “child” of the home. The child needs to be nurtured and
pampered - till she’s grown up!
So...here’s the final tally on weight factors for
the TOP 10 ratings on movie ratings...
· Chutzpah 20%
· Direction 15%
· Screenplay 12%
· Cinematography 10%
· Acting 10%
· Editing 10%
· Production
Design 8%
· Sound 5%
· Music 5%
· Genre
Differentiators 5%
Movie
Characteristic |
Permanent
Weights
|
Enter
Rating
(on 10) |
Product
(calculate)
|
Comments
|
Chutzpah
|
20%
|
8.5
|
1.700
|
Joker
|
Direction
|
15%
|
8.0
|
1.200
|
|
Screenplay
|
12%
|
7.5
|
0.900
|
|
Cinematography
|
10%
|
8.0
|
0.800
|
|
Acting
|
10%
|
8.5
|
0.850
|
|
Editing
|
10%
|
8.0
|
0.800
|
|
Production Design
|
8%
|
7.0
|
0.560
|
|
Sound
|
5%
|
8.0
|
0.400
|
|
Music
|
5%
|
7.5
|
0.375
|
|
Genre Differentiators
|
5%
|
8.5
|
0.425
|
drama, thriller
|
Total
=>
|
8.010
|
Here’s
how the arithmetic works - you enter all your ratings on the 10-point scale,
then multiply each one by its weight, and then add them all up. That’s
basically IT!
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